Marriage: What's the Point?

This June, it will be 35 years since Ruth and I said “I do” at a beautiful church in Washington State. It was something we had looked forward to for a number of years and we were thrilled to see it finally happen. My father officiated, which was very special, and he eventually got to those famous words we all know so well, “…for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health…”. It was a wonderful ceremony, and it kicked off decades of marriage, in which my wife has been very long-suffering and put up with me and my nonsense.
 
Here's the thing: we had no idea what we were agreeing to. We understood that we had taken a solemn vow before God and that we promised to keep it, “until death us do part”. That we got. But the better/worse, richer/poorer and sickness/health part we had no way to comprehend. We were in our early twenties, healthy as could be, and had our whole exciting lives ahead of us, full of promise and hope.
 
We were hopelessly in love and infatuated with the other person. You remember. You would watch the phone, hoping and praying it would ring. Your heart skipped a beat the first time you held hands in a movie theater. Or that long-awaited first kiss. The insanity of it all; that lovesick feeling. There is nothing else like it.
 
Time marches along and that infatuation grows into a deeper love over the years. You work through the good times and tough times. You see each other at your best and at your worst. Nobody knows you better. Finances get debated, children are born, dogs adopted, houses purchased, and jobs changed. Now you are starting to get a better idea of what that vow meant, but through it all, you find that your best friend has become much more than you ever imagined.
 
So, am I just being nostalgic? To be completely honest, yes, I am being somewhat nostalgic, but it’s good to do that occasionally. Like when the dog barfs on the floor, the kids are chasing each other with markers, and you find out your car needs a new alternator – all at the same time. However, there’s more to my point.
 
The better/worse, richer/poorer and sickness/health depended on one thing that June day three decades ago: the vow. It was a vow taken before God, and if there is one thing that is almost universally understood, it is that you don’t break a vow taken before God. Even if we didn’t understand what lay ahead of us, we knew we just made a solemn vow. In the final analysis, we “got it” that day, after all.
 
That vow has kept us going, when life would have otherwise pulled us apart. Ruth and I will never claim to be close to a perfect couple, but it’s that foundation on faith and God’s direction for our lives which sustains our marriage and our family.
 
God instituted the very first family in the Garden of Eden, and He preserves and protects the family with a jealous love. When others seek to break down marriage or the family, or make a mockery of them with secular interpretations, it is ultimately doomed to fail. Without God in the center of the marriage, it all starts to come apart.
 
That’s why North Dakota Family Alliance does what we do: protect the biblical institutions of marriage and the family. I truly hope our children and eventual grandchildren will see that God is the center of our marriage, and that we fought to keep it that way, from our living room to the halls of Bismarck.
 
I know I just scored a lot of husband points for this email, but that was not the purpose. It was to remind all of us about why biblical marriage and the basis for our families are so critical. That said, it never hurts to bank a few husband points for when I do my next foolish thing.

What is Your Purpose?

The two most important days in your life are the day you were born
 and the day you find out why. – Attributed to Mark Twain

I love this quote. It boils everything in our human existence down to one simple sentence. It’s certainly consistent with biblical values. We are given life by our Creator, upon which all else depends. It precedes all the choices we make – it is the root of who we are.
 
Our purpose on this earth is the second implied question. As humans, we seek meaning and try to understand the purpose for our lives, and fulfilling this need is central not only to who we are in relation to the rest of humanity, but who we are in the face of the God who made us as well. However, as much as I like this quote, I would add a third important day. The day you discover who controls your life.
 
Look at the first part of the quote. Clearly, we were not in control of our birth; most would suggest that if anyone was in control, it was our parents. However, our parents did not in some amazing way confer life upon us – they simply provided the building blocks for life. Something or someone else was in control of creating our life and allowing us to be born. If being born was truly one of the two most important days of your life, then it follows that you would want to know who made this day happen and was in control of it.
 
The second part of the quote is similar. Why would someone want to know the reason they were created unless they could act on it? Let’s say that you discover you were created to play Wordle for the rest of your life, although I truly wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Once you “discover” that Wordle is your life’s purpose, what happens? You find out everything you can about the game, you devote years studying the logic behind possible moves, and you spend day and night playing the game.
 
Did you notice which word appears most often in that last sentence? You. It suggests that once your purpose is discovered, it’s on you to make the most of it. You need to work and realize your potential and fulfill your life’s mission. You need to work on becoming the world’s best Wordle player. It’s up to you. You are in control.
 
I would suggest that knowing who controls your life answers both implied questions in the quote. Once you know who controls your life, you can determine who put you together as a person and who determines your life purpose. If nobody/nothing is in control of your life, then you were a collection of cells that, in some highly improbable manner, formed a human and somehow “became living”. It then follows that your life purpose can be defined by you. You are in control.

On the other hand, if someone made you and has a purpose for your life, it becomes a very different story. There is the crux of the issue.
 
As a Christian, I believe I was created by God and my purpose on this earth is to glorify Him. But notice that answering this question does not say how I should best glorify God. That is revealed to us by the Holy Spirit and our inclinations, genetic traits, talents, etc. that were hard coded at our creation.
 
Those of us at North Dakota Family Alliance do policy work supporting and advancing biblical principles. That is our purpose. I would hazard a guess that doing policy work is not your purpose in life. We glorify God by doing this work, but you may glorify God by homeschooling your children, working at your office, or perhaps harvesting your crops. However, since our purpose is policy work, we do it with all the tools and resources we can to achieve what He wills for our lives. We take it seriously and know you depend on us to defend your biblical values. Thank you for your faithful support in fulfilling this purpose.
 
Finding out who created you and what your purpose is can become a lifelong journey for some. I don’t know how you arrived at the point of knowing God controls your life, but it is the answer to almost every question you may have. That doesn’t mean life will be easy or always make sense, but you thankfully have a path to follow, which is more than many people.
 
Today, rejoice that you know your purpose. The future of your life may not be apparent all the time, but the path He has chosen is what you need to walk. When you are living in God’s will, nothing can match that feeling. Enjoy the journey; He’s got you.

What is in Your Heart?

What is in your heart? Let me take a guess. Primary is your love for faith, family, and freedom. It’s what gives you definition and meaning, and it’s what North Dakota Family Alliance fights for on your behalf every day of the year. You’re aware of all the work that was accomplished in past legislative sessions and the many wins God bestowed upon all of us. I’m here to tell you that those are wins for faith, family, and freedom.

I’m sure you’ve heard the adage attributed to Pastor Billy Graham, “Give me five minutes with a person's checkbook, and I will tell you where their heart is.” If what truly matters most to you is faith, family, and freedom, you should support organizations that represent those values. North Dakota Family Alliance does just that.

You always have the opportunity to help underwrite our work by going to our website and donating, but Giving Hearts Day is almost here and represents a unique opportunity to financially support our organization. As the name implies, it’s all about giving from the heart. This year, Giving Hearts Day is this Thursday, Feb. 10, and I’m happy to report that North Dakota Family Alliance will be a full participant.

One reason many people give on this day is that donations are matched dollar-for-dollar, and the good news is that we have once again raised matching dollars, thanks to generous donations by ministry partners.  As a result, all gifts over $10 will be DOUBLED, up to our match threshold.
 
It’s very easy to give to NDFA on Thursday: just click this link and you’ll go right to our donation page. It’s that simple. Giving Hearts Day only lasts for 24 hours, from 12:00 am through midnight on February 10, but did you know that you can also schedule gifts to NDFA ahead of time! You can click right now and donate, and then on Feb 10, the gift is transferred to us at NDFA! And no worries, the match will still apply to all these scheduled gifts as well.
 
We’re very excited to be participating in Giving Hearts Day.  When your heart is filled with love of faith, family, and freedom and you give accordingly, you are making a difference. Giving to our organization will allow us to continue to stand with you and help advance these values here in North Dakota.
 
Thank you in advance for your participation.  Together, we can make a difference!

Courage

Twice this past week I’ve been presented with the subject of courage. In one case it was a video about courage to stand up against government overreach; in the other it was a brief conversation about the courage to proclaim that we must build our lives on the foundation of Christ, despite what society wants. Both types of courage are fundamental to who we are as Christians and citizens. At this point you’re probably thinking, “OK, so courage is good. No argument there”. However, not all courage is created equal, and I want to talk about a type of courage that is exceedingly difficult: courage to stand against society.
 
As humans in a fallen world, our natural tendency is to move in the direction that society moves. We are all products of our culture and generation and clearly identify with certain aspects of society. We may be eying the next new car that rolls off the assembly line, which is a product of our collective societal desires. Perhaps we buy a new pair of jeans because they are more in fashion. Or maybe we listen to a certain song because it hit the top 20 list this week. None of these societal things are necessarily bad, but it suddenly changes when society opposes your deeply held beliefs.
 
As Christians, we are both in society and not part of it at the same time – a dichotomy that is often hard to reconcile. This means that we need to be able to function in society to influence it for Christ, and to a certain extent, allow some latitude if we find ourselves influenced by it, provided our values stay intact.
 
We may declare that we will have the courage to stand fast when our values are threatened, but will we? More importantly, will we even recognize the assault on our values for what it is? And where is that line in the sand we will defend at all costs?
 
If something directly challenges our values, it’s easy to identify and gives us a chance to exercise that courage. That’s still no guarantee of how courageous we will be. We all like to think of ourselves as a Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Christian in the Colosseum, or Daniel in the lion’s den, but most of us will never have to make those kinds of choices.
 
However, society can be a sly and dangerous thing, and often does not come at us with a full-frontal assault. Instead, it validates choices that conform to its values. It asks you to give a little on one of your values here, and then a little there. No big deal. But be careful, it knows how to wield a stick as deftly as it does a carrot. “Conform or be cast out”, as the song goes.
 
There are immense pressures on Christians these days through the media, entertainment industry, and perhaps most of all through our federal government. I do not overstate the situation to say that they seek to break down your faith, your values, and the foundation of this country.
 
Do we have the courage to stand against the tide of social relativism, or never kneel to those in charge who want to destroy our values? North Dakota Family Alliance will do everything we can to protect your deeply held beliefs, and we will always try to be courageous, but we can’t do it alone. We ask for your continued prayers, calls to action, and financial support to enable us to courageously fight for your values.
 
There is a lot on the line, folks, and the other side is not going to give up. Go ahead and buy those new jeans, get in your new car, and play the latest song on the radio. But know this, whether you are driving into the fight or away from it, is what makes all the difference.
 
Courage, then, is not only whether we ourselves shall be free, but whether there shall be left to mankind an asylum on earth for civil and religious liberty.  - Samuel Adams

“Gender Affirming” Hormone Treatments for Kids

A recent NBC News article proclaimed Hormone therapy linked to lower suicide risk for trans youths, study finds and it referenced its source as The Trevor Project, a suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for LGBTQ young people. While I can see the benefits of more research on this subject, I was curious about the base study and its implications. Hang on, here we go. Base study
 
The study was a survey and, in these cases, often the most important thing is to review question design. However, I could not find the full set of 142 questions published anywhere. So, while we have no complete set of questions, for the sake of discussion let’s assume that the survey questions had no inherent bias and were appropriately vetted.
 
What about the analysis itself? It appeared to be well thought out and methodologically thorough.  However, one thing gave me pause. In the Limitations portion of the paper it notes, “causation cannot be inferred due to the study’s cross-sectional design.” It does reference other papers that come up with similar results to bolster its case, but that does not mean they make this study correct. That was concerning.
 
What else do we know about the study? First, despite a one-sentence disclaimer at the end of the paper and a conflict of interest statement at the beginning, the survey was still obviously conducted for The Trevor Project. I’ll let you make of that what you will.
 
Second, individuals 13 to 24 years old were surveyed and asked about depression, anxiety and other mental health states. These were young people who wanted to receive hormone treatments and either did or did not receive them. For the group who were denied the treatments, the study suggests they were more depressed.
 
Think about that for a moment. For those of you who have ever had a teenager in this age range, what happens when they don’t get something they really want like a car for their 16th birthday or a later curfew? They get upset, moody, often angry, and it “negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act” (American Psychiatric Association’s definition of depression). Do you see where I’m going with this?
 
Third, even if the findings in this study are correct, this type of study does not support giving hormone treatments to kids, and yet that is where we are headed as a nation. The ability for a child or youth to make life-changing decisions is simply not there, given that key decision-making parts of the brain aren’t even fully developed until at least 25 years old. Further, some professional medical organizations identify the onset of puberty as early as 10 years old, which would then imply that using puberty blocking drugs for “transitioning” at this early age is a potential course of action. In fact, there are already cases of children in our country receiving these puberty blocking drugs for transitioning purposes as early as 12 years old.
 
So, what are the takeaways from all this? Why am I picking on this one study?
 
As I mentioned, the way the study was conducted had merit, but its self-admitted causation limitation prevents one from drawing reliable conclusions. Therein lies a significant problem. Organizations like The Trevor Project and the media will use it to draw conclusions and bolster arguments for hormone treatment for kids. This is particularly true for The Trevor Project, since it’s their study.
 
The next thing to emphasize is that a parent has to step in and simply say no to a child who believes they should be another gender, and as a result, wants to make this type of life-altering decision. If that same child reaches adulthood and then decides to take transition-related hormone drugs, that is their choice, but this decision should not be driven by a 12-year-old.
 
So, here’s the point in all this. Dangers lie ahead if we continue down this path of encouraging and justifying life-altering hormone treatments to kids who may be experiencing depression for a host of reasons other than gender confusion. Further, it behooves us to regularly “look behind the curtain” when the media make huge assertions like this.
 
We don’t let our young children decide who they might marry, what their vocation will be, what religion they may believe, or where they will live as an adult. We talk with our kids about these ideas and consider all the options, so they can decide when they are an adult. In other words, we parent. No matter the child, it is our responsibility to help them make informed decisions, and that doesn’t mean affirming a life-altering decision by the same child who comes home with string art for your wall.