The Red Folder and the Green Folder

My father was a pastor for 35 years, as I have mentioned in previous weekly emails. During his career he had mountaintops and valleys, just as we all do, but I think these highs and lows are often magnified for pastors. He put in long hours and worked hard (to the point of being hospitalized in his first congregation). He faced criticism, enjoyed validation and thanks for his work, saw people come to Christ under his preaching of the Word, and helped his congregations grow in their faith. As you can tell, I greatly admire what he did. But one day I came across something very odd.

When I was a teenager, I would sometimes help my father file things in his office (he was a “pile maker”), and one of those times I came across two thick folders: a red one and a green one. It was peculiar, since every other of his hundreds of folders were of the plain off-white manila variety. I started to go through these two colorful folders and was captivated. They were full of letters, handwritten notes, comments he wrote on scraps of paper, etc.

The red folder was the first I opened. As I made my way through it, I began to get upset. Here were notes and other correspondence that criticized my dad, told him how ineffective he was at his job, and sometimes even cursed at him. By the time I was halfway through the folder, I slammed it shut and had to stop reading. Then I turned my attention to the other folder – the green one.

As I began to read the contents of this one, it was like a breath of fresh air. In it were thank you notes for his hospital visits, heartfelt expressions of love from those who had come to Christ under his preaching, heart-wrenching thanks from families who benefited from his funeral for their loved one, and even notes from children drawing him walking back and forth as he preached (a signature move for him). The file was amazing, and I read through the whole thing. But at this point I was really confused; why the two folders?

That evening I asked him about them, and he seemed surprised I had read their contents, but he wasn’t upset. He simply said, “When I become proud of all I’ve accomplished in my career and begin to consider what a gift I am to everyone around me, I open the red file and start to read the comments. But when I’m down and discouraged and see no positive effects from my ministry, I open the green folder and read from that one.” That’s all he said, and we went back to watching TV.

Here I am, decades later.  My father has passed into glory, and his legacy lives on in the lives and faith of thousands of people. I too am part of a ministry, and I pray that in some way, God will continue to use me to work out His purpose. I try to remember Colossians 3:23-24 – Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

We all get praised and criticized during our lives, sometimes legitimately and sometimes without basis. However, I believe that God calls us to be faithful, and not swing too much on the feelings and words of man. However, that’s easier said than done. We are still human and will always be influenced by those around us.

I have my work materials upstairs these days. Business cards, brochures, stationery, envelopes, etc. However, there are more important items than that. You will also find two folders, a red one and a green one. They are there for the mountaintops and the valleys.

Toxic Masculinity

You’re probably thinking, “are we really wading into this swamp?” The answer is, yes. Although you may have come across the term toxic masculinity on social media or in some recent publication, is it a real thing or just a meaningless term? Let’s unpack it a bit.

What does toxic masculinity mean, as used by today’s culture? Given the many definitions out there, I attempted to cull the characteristics most often associated with this concept. Toxic masculinity generally refers to cultural pressures or norms exerted on men that are associated with:

• Hatred/contempt/prejudice toward women

• Violence and abuse of women

• Bullying

• Homophobia

• Aggression

• Support of patriarchal concepts

• Stoicism

I think it’s safe to say that the first few of these concepts are not supported by biblical principles. I’m not going to go into an exegesis on the role of men in God’s creation mandate or the biblical relationship of a husband and wife, but things such as hatred of women or abuse are simply wrong. The same with genuine bullying.

But what about concepts as we move down that list? We may not agree with those who have an LGBT lifestyle, but given our values, it does not justify hatred or prejudice against them as individuals.

Does aggression by men generally fall into the category of toxic masculinity? Patriarchal concepts?  Is it appropriate for men to hold all the power and women to be excluded? You have to acknowledge that even male stoicism can be bad when it leads to something as simple as avoiding annual physicals (Come on guys, I dislike them too, but we’re all getting older).

I believe that all these characteristics and actions can be indicators of toxic attitudes held by men. Any one of them may be toxic, but is it a case of a “necessary, but not sufficient condition”? In other words, perhaps one action such as these has to be present to identify toxic masculinity, but can you label something as toxic masculinity when observing only that one action? In this regard, I’d like to point out three observations concerning the concept of toxic masculinity.

Actions are not People: Take the homophobia concept, which is often used to illustrate toxic masculinity. If a bill is proposed which would single out LGBT persons as a special protected class of people, I will testify against it, and be branded homophobic, even if it would create huge inequities towards other members of society. Does that mean I’m homophobic and exhibiting some form of toxic masculinity? No. It means I’m trying to avoid reverse discrimination against men and women who do not identify as LGBT.

Context Matters: If a male refuses to follow instructions from his female supervisor, does that mean he is exhibiting toxic masculinity and hatred of women? Perhaps, but it is also possible that his supervisor is verbally abusive towards him or intentionally gives him the worst projects. Does that justify his behavior? No, but it clarifies that it’s not toxic masculinity at work here.

It’s Not Always the Action, but What Motivates It: Motives matter. For example, stoicism by a dad may appropriately be intended to help give confidence and coping skills to his family as mom dies from a lingering terminal disease. The act of a father teaching his son how to defend himself from a male or female attacker is not teaching aggression towards women. It’s not toxic masculinity.

Nothing I’m saying is meant to ever justify abuse, violence, bullying, or prejudice against women or others. What I am pointing out is that life is complicated, and reducing an observed action to a convenient and socially acceptable concept is an easy way out. The notion of toxic masculinity is being used as a scapegoat concept, and it creates the risk that masculinity as a whole will be painted with a broad brush. Masculinity is not fundamentally toxic.

I see toxic masculinity being blamed for a lot of actions that may have deeper roots, such as alcoholism, drug use, anger control issues, or being abused as a child. Let’s treat the cause and stop calling it toxic masculinity. Let’s treasure and love the women in our lives, as commanded by our Lord, and leave aside the convenient and socially approved labels that are often used to simply create distraction from the real issues at hand.

For the men and women of North Dakota,

More Thoughts on ND Education

I’ve been thinking a bit more about education in North Dakota, and in particular, how this education reflects your and my values. This applies to everything from kindergarten through higher education. What got me thinking about the importance of this subject was something that happened while I was driving home from Fargo.

I was on I-94 making my all-to-common trek back to Bismarck and was in the process of passing a school bus full of children. They looked to be second/third graders. As I passed, I saw lots of smiling faces pressed up against the glass and hands waving excitedly at me. They were wanting a response from me, but more importantly, what I saw was innocence.

Contrast this to a recent event, where innocence was betrayed. A fifth-grade child in the Fargo School District was pulled out of class and disciplined for using the wrong pronoun for a classmate. That’s right – it happened here in North Dakota. Some of you may downplay this, recognizing that the Fargo School District is on the more liberal side of the spectrum for our state. So, let me give you another example.

Take the University of Jamestown, part of a very conservative community, where their “commitment to the Christian faith encourages an atmosphere of self-discipline, responsibility, and concern for the continuing growth of the individual.” For Black History Month, they highlighted Marsha P. Johnson on Facebook, a transgender prostitute. They chose her over such individuals as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Booker T. Washington, Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall, and other prominent black leaders, who they never bothered to mention on the Facebook page during Black History Month. I truly love the University of Jamestown, but this made me very sad.

Or take the recent school board elections. In Grand Forks there were 23 candidates for 5 open positions, and in Fargo 15 candidates for 5 positions on their school board. Why so many candidates? Because parents are frustrated with authoritarian and unresponsive administration of our schools. A number of these candidates in both races supported yours and my values, and said as much in their campaigns, but do you know how many of them were elected? None. Do you know how many of the candidates supported by the powerful Fargo and Grand Forks teachers’ unions made it into office? 80%.

So, what’s going on here? Simply put, you and I don’t have a say into these educational institutions. Sure, they would argue that we simply need to attend school board meetings, contact them about issues, or sit down and talk about what’s bothering us. That’s well and good, and I encourage you to do that, but what if there is nobody on the other side of the conversation taking it seriously, or if they simply never acknowledge you or respond? What change can be made then?

As parents, you try to teach your children many lessons – some stick, some don’t. One that we’ve tried to instill in our children is this. Even if you think you will lose a battle over your beliefs, you still fight. In spite of opposition, in spite of insults, lies, or other tactics. You take the high road, but never give in. God does not call us to be successful, but to be faithful.

The mental picture of those children on the bus has stayed with me. Their enthusiasm and innocence is something I will not soon forget.

So, what did I do? I smiled and waved, and then drove home thinking about what more we can do to support our kids.

BREAKING: SCOTUS Overturns Roe v. Wade

Today is the day that we pro-lifers have been anticipating for 50 years. Finally, SCOTUS has reestablished justice and overturned the deeply flawed decision of Roe v. Wade with its decision in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization.
 
By upholding Mississippi’s law, the court has rejected the false notion that a “right” to abortion exists in the Constitution, meaning states are now free to establish bans on abortion. Our efforts to protect the unborn are no longer hindered by a fallacious and evil ruling that invented a non-existent “right.” 
 
This is a monumental victory for the pro-life movement, and it should be celebrated. This is justice. North Dakotans have worked for this moment for decades. We should take time to thank God for answering our prayers and bringing an end to the legal nightmare that was Roe.
 
Now, in North Dakota abortion is almost completely eradicated! Our state has a primary trigger law, as do 12 other states. The law states says that if SCOTUS rules in such a way that our Attorney General determines “it is reasonably probable that this Act would be upheld as constitutional,” then the trigger law would go into effect and abortions would be illegal in North Dakota. It would make exceptions for protecting the life of the mother or if the pregnancy resulted from “sexual imposition, sexual abuse of a ward, or incest.”
 
In over 20 states, robust protection for the unborn is now in effect. In some states, abortion is banned entirely.
 
While this is a major victory, our work is far from done. The court has done its job, but it cannot do ours. We are simply entering a new phase of the fight for life. The “culture of death” that Roe fostered needs to be undone.
 
Abortion needs to be more than just illegal, but unthinkable. Only through intentional discipleship will we be able to transform hearts and minds so that life at every stage is protected for years to come.
 
We need to practice radical love and compassion toward expecting mothers who are in difficult situations. Churches and their members need to step up as never before and offer help and hope to abortion-vulnerable women and men. We can donate to crisis pregnancy centers, give directly to mothers in need, or simply walk with those that are hurting.
 
We must also speak the truth in love about the unborn and create a culture of deep care for all life. Debates surrounding this issue will become more intense, and we need to be equipped with the facts and prepared to defend the sanctity of life at all times.
 
Because of this decision, many on the left will engage in abhorrent acts of violence against us and SCOTUS, as they have already promised to do. We will face more persecution than ever before. Please pray for peace, stand firm in the truth, and remember that persecution can be a gift, if we allow our suffering to be united with Christ’s. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account,” says Matthew 5:11.
 
Please pray that God continues to guide and strengthen the pro-life movement as we enter a new phase of the battle.

Some Important Items

This weekly email will be short and to the point. We have four important things that you should know about for the coming week and for which we want you to be prepared.
 
1. Bismarck City Ordinance on Hate Crimes: That’s right, Bismarck is sadly trying to emulate its big cousins to the east and implement a hate/bias crime ordinance that includes gender, sexual orientation, and gender identity, such as existing ordinances in Grand Forks and Fargo. The motivation behind this is far from simple, but suffice it to say that one benefit is that the city will likely get a better “grade” from LGBTQ rating organizations like the Human Rights Campaign Foundation if they implement this ordinance.
 
While it sounds like a good idea (who approves of hate crimes, right?), it is misguided. It would prosecute crimes committed because of, “the victim's actual or perceived race, color, religion, gender, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, or ancestry.“ [italics added for emphasis] Proposed Hate Crime Ordinance.
 
I’m not even sure where to begin on this. This is a really ill-conceived ordinance, from the inherent flaws in hate crime laws, to the fact that it is already illegal to assault someone or vandalize their property, the historical evidence that it’s almost impossible to prosecute these crimes, how the “perceived” language would be interpreted to apply to these sexuality categories, or that it would carve out special protected classes that are based on ever-changing societal constructs such as sexuality and gender (even admitted to be fluid by the LGBTQ community).
 
In the past, the legislature has soundly defeated bills and resolutions with similar language, including the most recent 2021 session [HB 1443,  HCR 3045]. They know it’s bad policy; now the City of Bismarck needs to take a stand and not capitulate to the left, all in an effort of virtue signaling and approval as a “progressive” municipality.
 
If you would like to provide written comments prior to the public hearing on June 14, you can email your input to bismarckadmin@bismarcknd.gov, and/or you can always contact the City Commissioners directly Bismarck City Commission. You can also testify in person at the June 14 meeting to be held at 5:15 pm in the Tom Baker Meeting Room, City and County Office Building, 221 N. 5th St., Bismarck, ND 58506.
 
2. Election endorsements and emails of support: I hope you’ve been seeing these emails from NDFALA show up in your Inbox. The emails highlight candidates for all levels of government who NDFALA endorses/supports because they stand with you for family values. Please give them your vote.
 
3. Be sure to vote next Tuesday! I know it seems like a hassle sometimes, but the final disposition of what happens to pro-life bills, bills on girls’ fairness in sports, education bills and more will be shaped in many ways on June 14. During legislative sessions we can mobilize and call/email our legislators, lobby through organizations like ours, and testify at hearings, but if we get the right people elected, we don’t need to worry so much about playing defense on important issues, but can focus more on pro-actively getting good bills through the legislature. Think of the change that could make!
 
4. School District Elections: Finally, I also want to highlight all the school district races across the state. North Dakota parents are fed up with many school boards and the only real way to change that is to elect new board members that share your values. Check out the candidates running for your district’s board and make informed choices. School boards are the level at which curriculum is decided, so it truly matters if we want our children to be taught with a foundation of family values. If you have questions about candidates running for a particular school board, feel free to reach out to us and we will help in any way we can (701-355-6425)
 
Thank you so much for partnering with us in the fight for faith, family and freedom here in North Dakota!